Debating with My Mind

“17 days — 17 days — Seven–teen days.  What the heck, what is one more day?  We can do it tomorrow, or the day after.  I hear the weather will be nice this weekend.  Do not go into that bathroom, it is probably locked anyway.  OK, so it’s clean, but the water fountain is turned off, they must not know its spring yet.  Close, that bag – shoes, shorts, shirt, socks – HA! NO water bottle, NO water bottle.  And by the time you get home and get it, it will be raining out, HA!  Let’s wait for the weekend.”

(30 minutes later)

“Why are you changing clothes?  WHY are you putting on running clothes?!?  I thought we had decided to wait until tomorrow, or even better the weekend!  Did you not see those three HUGE raindrops on your windshield?  Dude, it’s going to pour on us; let’s think about this for a second.  Why are we back in the car?  NO!  Why are you going back in the house, DARN you remembered that you forgot the water bottle again!  We are really going to do this, RIGHT NOW!”

So goes the battle that my mind and I waged with each other on Wednesday afternoon.  I pulled into the park near the school that I am currently working, was checking to make sure that I had everything I needed, and to my surprise I had no water bottle, left it at home on the kitchen counter.  Not a problem, plenty of time to head home and change clothes and run at the park near the house.  Even then, after letting the dog out and changing clothes, I nearly left the same water bottle at home again and this time I had even filled it up with water in case the water at the park was off.”

I had to finally stop looking for excuses NOT to run and look for the reason TO run.  I had just read three great books about doing what you enjoy.  Currently reading Aron Ralston’s Between A Rock and a Hard Place and reflecting on the thought of losing the ability to do something that you do enjoy.  Yet I still could not get the gears moving on lacing up the shoes and getting a run in.  Now I knew that I would not be close to being in shape to go for a long run or even an intermediate run.  Honestly, if I could have completed a 5K on Wednesday I would have been shocked.  But I knew that I had to restart somewhere.

So after I pushed every doubt and every self-doubt to the back of my fragile mind, I stood at the beginning of the loop and was faced with just one more challenge; do I run to the right or do I run to the left?  Two miles and 24 minutes later, I got to sit back and enjoy what was probably the hardest run of my life but far something that was quite enjoyable and something that I had been missing in a long time.

And soon the battle will become why aren’t you running as opposed to why are you running?  And I am looking forward to that!


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